It’s been a quite awhile since I wrote on my blog . To say I have been busy would be a massive understatement . I thought that being a student midwife was time consuming but actually being the Midwife is so much more than I ever realised .

I started in a new trust as a NQM so to be honest my first few months ( and still sometimes ) I had to ask so many questions just to find where things were . I was new in so many ways that some days were overwhelming and I wanted to hide in the toilet ( when I worked out where they were ) . Still , the joy of midwifery shone through as I cared for the women and their families . I loved my job and mostly spoke of my shifts in a positive way . I proudly told people ” I’m a Midwife ” and wearing the blues was amazing.

Yet , the feeling of no longer having a mentor was still hard .  I looked for the person on my shoulder and she was gone .I realised that my mentor had done so much that I never realised she was doing . I supposed it was time management. She used to remind me of the tasks we needed to complete as well as care for the woman . In honesty,  I was so focused on the woman as a student as I learnt so much from them and caring was what I wanted to do . I did documentation of course I did but the paperwork never took over from care . Now I was struggling with the balance .

So to the nights,  as a NQM  the nightshift can be a scarey place . We know babies like to be born at night so we know it’s gonna be busy on labour ward . It is a strange feeling to be so apprehensive about a shift that you count down the hours before it . I found myself watching the clock , trying to have a nap and wondering what the shift will bring . When you have a family this can be challenging as the rhythm of life is upturned . You are not yourself . Literally , as you struggle to adjust to days after nights then back to nights ( watching netflix at 2am because your body is rebelling at the switch ).

When I started this blog it was to find my positivity so again I will bring it back to that . The positivity I must share as a NQM is that of the midwives that surround me ( physically and virtually ). The midwives in my new trust have really listened to me and held my hand at times . On a day that I felt totally overwhelmed and thought i was not a good enough midwife , I spoke up and told the band 7, she smiled at me and said ” do you still like midwifery a little bit ? ” .To which I replied ” yes I do ” and she then said ” you will get through this then, take little steps , we will help you and always tell us when you need us “. It was the words I needed as I had tried so hard to be the best I could be but I needed more support .

In my beloved twitter my #twitter buddies have rallied me . They just ” check in ” and give me the boost I need . That little bit of kindness can really make a difference .

So I’m OK …. it’s getting better . I love my job and I love my colleagues . I feel very lucky to know I have such positivity enveloping me .

Onward ….. so much more to learn and do .