The rain is non-stop , the sky is grey , the wind is blowing and it could make me feel blue. Still,today as I sit at my laptop ; I feel happy with sunshine in my life. The happiness of sunshine comes from within as I recognise my life as it is. I have a great life , wonderful sons , supportive husband , friends that I cherish and I am fulfilled .What a great feeling that is…

Yet, the path I walk on to midwifery is a challenge as it can feel so overwhelming. The feelings evoked by others, the time that passes so quickly with deadlines looming, the childcare arrangements that need to fit to an off duty and the balancing act of my life. I suppose you could say it is like todays weather , some days it is raining and grey when you feel like you have taken on too much. Those days are the days when the training to become a midwife seems too hard and the responsibility can feel like a great weight. Those days can feel long …

Then there is the feeling I have today in the warm surrounded by my family with the sunshine provided by their laughter and positivity. I liken that to a day in training whereby you care , embrace and show compassion for the woman birthing her baby. You witness the joy, love in the room and know you are home. By that I mean the place of a midwife , to be “with woman”.

So on a grey day when the rain is pouring I know I need to remember how I feel today about my life and I will stay on the sunshine path ~ Positivity.

Today, I

When you meet a person that “gets you”, that you can say what you think and share your emotions.  You need to tell them…

At the end of my 1st yr in midwifery I felt alone , not physically but in my ideas and my enthusiasm. My fellow cohort member Rachel chatted with me and we connected. She was that person I had been looking for. She got “me” and I “got” her. We shared ideas and opinions. We debated our views and challenged each other to think “outside the box”. We attended a study day together , on that day we decided to join up to become the “lone nuts”. We had watched the leadership clip and Sheena Byrom had spoke about making change.We wanted to do that. The facebook page “Normal Birth for Lone nuts” was birthed!!!. The “lone nut” wants to create a movement so we did. We passionately believed in women abilities to birth and wanted to share this positivity with all women. To reduce the fear of birth with pictures , research and art which had the potential to create positivity around physiological birth.

The page is growing , it has 800 likes. It is blossoming …. as Rachel and I grow into our midwifery identity.

The people I interact with each day on twitter “get” me . I have a voice that has been described as “gentle” , “open-hearted” and “protonic” by the wonderful twitter community that has embraced me. I feel like I am part of a family and for that I am truly thankful as I know I will not be alone anymore. My twitterbuddies  have supported positivity and NBFLN  which makes my heart soar. I am so glad that we can call them friends and that our enthusiasm is so welcomed. So to Deirdre Munro , Sally Goodwin and Jenny Clarke I say ” Thank you for the warmth , kindness , support that you have provided for this nut to grow “.

I was thinking about #couragebutter that @JennytheM spreads on twitter and the other ingredients I need in my daily breakfast of “self-belief “.  Ok.. Its “out of the box” but just imagine with me ……

The table I sit at is #twitter , it is accessible and is placed in the morning light- in my house it is on my phone and next to my bed everyday as I awake.

The chair I sit in is @corden1326 , she is holding me up.

The bread I eat is #compassionbread , it is shared with all I come into contact with.

The butter I spread is of course #couragebutter , this is being brave and having a voice.

The jam is  #positivityjam , it can sweeten the day.

Now my drink of choice does depend – reflects my #twittermentors .

@JennytheM –  she is #honeyopen-heartedtea , kind , soothing and healing.

@DeirdreMunro –  she is #EBPcoffee , firing up the neurones on the research , being protonic and innovative .

@SageFemmeSB – She is #nurtureTea , supporting , embracing and positive.

@sally5881 – she is #inspirationalOJ , bright, funny and smiley .

@flowerpower66 – she is #kindnessmilk , caring , sharing and wholehearted.

So, I have the ingredients for a great day everyday when I go to #twitter … cant wait for tomorrow….

Cordy Positivity is my twitter name but as I told you in my first ever blog I have times of negativity. I know that I need to be positive for my mental wellbeing and  have mechanisms in my life that enable this. Yet, I believe that the darkness that comes with deep sadness can turn off the light when life gets complicated. To train to be a midwife is more than I imagined.  It was the light I wanted and the path that I wanted to be on with all my being but it can be too much. The emotions you feel for other’s , the learning that can be overwhelming and the commitment invested in becoming the midwife you want to be. I think that when I joined twitter back in October 2014 I was seeking positivity to enable the energy of my light.

I think Twitter became my energy bulb , a light that you switch on and it gets brighter and brighter. I connected to people , midwives that I found inspirational and “tweeted” positive meme. In January 2014 when my life was brimming with work , university and family commitments I could feel the power cut that is negativity getting to my fuse box (brain). I asked for support from the midwives on twitter when I tweeted . They replied with beautiful meme, words of care and compassion. I decided that to keep the light bright I would tweet “one line a day” ( sometimes this became 2 or 3 or 4 !!!). The wonderful community of #globalvillagemidwives and #wemidwives retweeted and supported my challenge. I tweeted every morning around 7am on weekdays  and a little later on weekends but EVERYDAY. It became a lovely way to create positivity , share positivity and embrace positivity.

I know it has worked , I really have become Cordy Positivity as I have been able to use it in many situations. I have connected to supportive midwives with the tweets and know the positive energy helps others to keep their light on. I feel happy that such a simple act can brighten someone’s day as it does mine.

So, 10 weeks ago  #challenge2015positivity was turned on  and now 70 days switched on by the energy bulb that is twitter it gets brighter each day. Come join the #positivity @corden1326.

When people know you have lost a baby they assume you want to be a midwife because of that loss. After recounting my story of the loss of my baby and the many miscarriages I suffered in my quest to have a “rainbow baby”  I shake my head when I am asked if I want to be a bereavement midwife.  I have worked with bereavement midwives and I am in awe of them but I did not start this journey to become one. My aim to become a midwife and the reason I am now at university is rooted in my admiration for all women and every birth. I have heard midwives say they were “born” to be a midwife , their beautiful births led them to midwifery or their need to make birth better for other women  has driven them to train. This makes me wonder ….

I definitely know that my journey did not begin because I wanted to emulate the midwives that cared for me in my loss , even though their kindness did make the time as bearable as it could be. It was little steps that took me to midwifery when I was looking for some light……..

The steps began after I had my third son , he was my delight but I continued to grieve for my dad and the little boy I had lost and some days were still very dark. I told my baby everyday that he was healing my heart. Which now seems a great responsibility for a little baby but he seemed to know that I needed him as much as he needed me. Breastfeeding him was easy and he was a weight in my arms that I never felt I wanted to let go of. I joined a surestart and chatted to the public health midwife . I have always loved a good natter, she was kindness personified and I found myself telling her about my sadness. She listened and shared a few tears with me. She suggested doing a breastbuddies course to help other women. When I look back now  I know she was trying to help me find a light , to find a path , to take a step and for that I will always be thankful to her. I eagerly took to the task of reading all I could about supporting mothers. I spoke to mothers , fathers and grandmothers about breastfeeding. It was a little step…..

A phone call on a sunny day from a midwife asking me to train to be a postnatal doula caring for vulnerable women was accepted with a little trepidation .  I believe that feeling was there because it was another step into being another person. I was unsure of the light that was shining brighter in front of me. Most of the women did not know what a doula did but when they met me and I explained I would help them practically or be a listening ear they engaged. It was a challenging but a lovely journey to be with these women. I stepped a little closer….

So there came a time when I could no longer deny the fact that I had changed. I can say that the light was shining so much I needed to wear my sunglasses !. My eldest son started a conversation about what I planned to do when I grew up. Yes , he wanted to know what my real job was going to be. It was the push to my next step that I needed. I started a job as a maternity support worker (msw) which I loved from the very first moment. A car, train , tube then walk journey from my home that equated to at least a 16hr day when doing a 12 hr shift. I spent time with women and by that I mean women in all senses the women we cared for , the women in the families , the ward clerk , the domestic , the bounty lady , the obstetricians , the SHO’s  and of course the midwives. Each shift I learnt something about women. I learnt about birth , families and support but most of all I realised that I wanted to try to become a midwife. I loved women , I admired women, I was astounded by birth and wanted to be “with woman”. I worked for 3yrs as an msw , completing a foundation degree in maternity support and gained courage to be me. I  applied to do my midwifery degree and even with many moments of self doubt I managed to get a place at university ( but those interviews are a story for another day).

I stepped into the Midwifery light in September 2013 and the journey began…….

One day I will tell you all about #Normalbirthforlonenuts and how it came to be but today I  want to talk about  #Acornic. The Acornic midwife was a funny nickname given to me on twitter by Deirdre Munro (@DeirdreMunro). I remember when I saw it on twitter for the first time and laughed. It was obviously a link to Normal birth for lone nuts and our new logo. The logo in question is an acorn with a baby inside it. Yet, today I had a #InoMo (Innovationmoment ) when Deirdre again referred to me as an #Acornicmidwife.

The acorn as we all know is the seed of the oak tree, and we think of the saying .

“From Little Acorns do Big Oaks Grow ”

But what about the Acorn ?

It will need to be strong to reach it’s potential,  to meet the challenges it takes to grow and belief that it will become what it aims to be.

Now think of a student midwife …. What qualities will she/ he need ?

She or He will need to be strong. Now that is strength in many ways ,mentally and physically but I think it really is resilience . The student midwife will need to be resilient . I have read about resilience and it really makes sense in the emotionally charged world we live in to build resilience. So , the challenges to grow could be the challenge of being resilient, to find ways to self-care and to develop strategies of self – compassion. Though, the student midwife will need to have courage. My wonderful twitter mentor Jenny Clark (@JennytheM) tells me to have #couragebutter , the ingredient of self -belief ?.

The wanna-be student midwife has to have belief that she/he can be a student midwife . The student midwife has to believe that they will finish the course and qualify as a midwife ….But.

The student midwife may struggle to find  the self belief she /he had. In that I mean the longing to be a student then the reality of being one and the demands of the course means it may get lost . She or He will need to draw on their resilience , they will need to actualise self-care and self-compassion. Ultimately they will need to find their self- belief again.

The belief that YES they can do this , YES it is hard , YES it is a challenge like no other they may ever encounter… (well perhaps , Motherhood/ Fatherhood if they have not been there yet!!  ).

The question is then How ?

Well, My answer Acornic Midwives AKA student midwives is to join twitter – link up with the wider midwifery community. Become part of  #globalvillagemidwives  and tweet to midwives that inspire YOU. The midwives on twitter have been an Acorn and now they are oaks. Tweet them and they will support you . Now, I am not saying that you need to twitter stalk midwives when you are an acornic midwife but the day a midwife you admire “tweets” back is a great moment . This moment is known as a #MyoMO (@DeirdreMunro). Still, there are many acorns on twitter and of course I am one of them so you can tweet me if you like . I spread positivity , Jenny Clark (@JennytheM) may call it #positivitybutter and Deirdre Munro (@DeirdreMunro) calls it being #protonic. I call myself Cordy Positivity.

I know the support that is my Twitterfamily is inspiring my journey , developing resilience , helping me to have self belief , self compassion and #couragebutter.So the nickname Acornic is no longer funny , its my way forward . I think being an acorn could be great . I think the acorn has so much potential and growing into an oak is an amazing job well done.

So I say yes, I think I will be an Acornic Midwife that embraces her chance to  grow into an Oak.