We read our names all the time . We read them on the post , emails , letters, facebook , phones and twitter. My name like most people means so much to me , it is my married name , my boys share it and our nickname “Cordy” always creates a warm feeling . Whether that be it being called across the cricket pitch at the boys , shouted out as they receive an award and signed off on our holiday facebook pictures as “The Cordys”. Still, my name is just my name on a normal day.
Yet, today I had a wonder moment as I was reading essential midirs . It began when I was sitting on the couch , dog at my feet , teenager watching Soccer AM and heard the post drop through the letter box. I got up and picked up the post scouring it to read my name on it. The post for me was my copy of essential midirs and I sat back down to read it. I became engrossed almost instantaneously and the pages turned. I arrive at page 27 after a while and saw it was written by Sheena Byrom OBE (@SagefemmeSB). At this juncture the dog did look up at me imploringly but I ignored him after a promise of a walk later. The article was about the media and health care but also the use of SoMe by healthcare professionals. I was so pleased to read about Milli Hill (@positivebirth) and my mind was thinking how great it would be to actually sit at a table with these wonderful women not only the virtual table of twitter. When the moment happened …..
On twitter my wonderful twitter mentors Deirdre Munro (@deirdremunro) and Jenny Clark (@JennytheM) talk about #myomoments and this moment was just that. It was when I read MY NAME , the name I read over and over. The name I check is spelt correctly on essays hand insheets and the name I love . There it was in print – what a moment that was . Now, you could say it was minor because it was a my name mentioned by another but to me it was a moment that I will not forget.
As a student midwife we are told to read , read ,read and to be honest it is a good job I love to read. Still , the reading I have done since my journey to become a midwife began meant that I subscribed to MIDIRS (@MIDIRS) as a student wanna be. Reading the articles admittedly sometimes I had no clue what they meant but I perservered.
Today , as I see my name in that publication I see a beginning …. but I also know that the student wanna be’s that see my name will be thinking – “that could be me “.
WOW what a day …. Gratitude Sheena Byrom and the wonderful Rachel Checkland (@toffeelady08). Rachel listens to me for hours , she is a true friend and a midwifery sister that I could not be without .
Now , I best walk the dog as I did promise…
To say I got my ticket for the roller coaster that is positivity from my life events is maybe too sentimental and almost silly . Yet I believe that is how I became a positive person. Now I am not declaring that I see everything in a positive way and react with positivity in every situation but I feel that being positive is vital to my well-being. After the loss of my baby and the passing of my dad I had no positivity . I walked the path of grief and got very lost. As I write this I think back to that time when I was so confused. When positive things happened to the people around me I did not feel, I looked at them and smiled then I congratulated them on their joy. I knew my life was negative. I did not want to accept my broken life so I embraced a chance to speak with a therapist. People warned me that I was strong and did not need therapy. I suppose my outside actions had betrayed me at this time as I had carried on with the life that was expected of me. I cared for my older son , I ran my household , I went to work and I supported my mother in her grief. The sessions were on a Tuesday , I went in the room each time full up with emotions and left sometimes confused but mostly I felt relinquished of “stuff”. The “stuff” I mean were the things I cannot change , the words I could have said or the words I did say. It was a “change ” catalyst in my life that to explore fully I would need to write a book. I can say that it was a time that I found “positivity” and it helped me to look back over my life and find the times of “positivity” within it. The fact that I sat with my dad as he died and held his hand is one of the saddest moments of my life but it was positive because I had the chance to be there. Holding your baby when it has died is a pain I cannot put it words because it will always evoke many tears. I know there was positivity in that room at that moment because he was so perfect and I was so lucky to hold him one time. It is a simple thing to say that life is a journey and that the paths we take will be hard and sometimes challenging. It is easy to say that you need to find the right path. To be positive and to have positivity in our actions. Still, to find positivity in yourself and others is a roller- coaster ride that when you get your ticket you need to hold on tight.