I have 3 days left to call myself a student midwife. The realisation that my journey to actually become a midwife is nearly at its end. I made it and have learnt so many life lessons along the way
I made friends and I lost friends. I met women that I looked up to and women that have changed how I see my reflection. The woman that I was is no longer as I have changed .The positive is that I have become the woman I wanted to be. Yet, the challenges have been huge , the balance between my life at home and the pressure of being a student has been overwhelming at times . The tears and the anxiety that I could never be as good as I wanted to be sometimes made me doubt every thing I was doing. My heart hurt as my sons changed and grew without me being there.
The life I had with my best friends was lost and I watched as they made new friends without me. A week would go by without speaking to my friend and even though I knew she understood , the guilt of never having enough time made me sad. My husband was my rock and never doubted I could reach my goal. I will never forget his face when I won an award and the pride that shone out of him as I stood on the stage. Still , I know he has worked hard to support us and hours that have drained him to the point of exhaustion just to pay our bills.
So, I passed every essay , presentation , exam and clinical apt. I worked hard but I know without the people around me in life , social media and my belief in things “happening for a reason” I couldn’t have done it . I wonder if I should write my story and whether people would read it .I think my living history needs to written for my son’s and maybe for women that have lost themselves – their positivity and want to make their dream a reality.