I have 3 days left to call myself a student midwife. The realisation that my journey to actually become a midwife is nearly at its end. I made it and have learnt so many life lessons along the way
I made friends and I lost friends. I met women that I looked up to and women that have changed how I see my reflection. The woman that I was is no longer as I have changed .The positive is that I have become the woman I wanted to be. Yet, the challenges have been huge , the balance between my life at home and the pressure of being a student has been overwhelming at times . The tears and the anxiety that I could never be as good as I wanted to be sometimes made me doubt every thing I was doing. My heart hurt as my sons changed and grew without me being there.
The life I had with my best friends was lost and I watched as they made new friends without me. A week would go by without speaking to my friend and even though I knew she understood , the guilt of never having enough time made me sad. My husband was my rock and never doubted I could reach my goal. I will never forget his face when I won an award and the pride that shone out of him as I stood on the stage. Still , I know he has worked hard to support us and hours that have drained him to the point of exhaustion just to pay our bills.
So, I passed every essay , presentation , exam and clinical apt. I worked hard but I know without the people around me in life , social media and my belief in things “happening for a reason” I couldn’t have done it . I wonder if I should write my story and whether people would read it .I think my living history needs to written for my son’s and maybe for women that have lost themselves – their positivity and want to make their dream a reality.
2 thoughts on “Is this the Positive ending?”
Lovely Natalie, so honest and summed up really well. Congratulations Midwife Natalie Cordyxx
Amazing words that ring so true to my own feelings. Into the next challenge, stay strong and keep believing. Every woman needs a strong midwife to hold her up and show her she is amazing and capable of anything. Fix yourself to those that make you feel good and let those that don’t wash over you. Here for you always. Xxx