At times in my training I called myself a “minion” (POSITIVELY) in a jokey way as I followed my mentor .Sometimes to the point of her saying ” Nat I’m going to the toilet – do you need to go to ? ” . Ha ha …well sometimes I just said ” Yes I do”. However ,the learning and the environment means that the mentor is the “person” you look for and you find yourself watching their every move . I can liken it to being the new person at school or work and you are allocated a “buddy” who you want to impress and look up to. The relationship is a tricky balance as the mentor does her/his job as a Midwife and you are her/his second job being your mentor .I know sometimes I was in her way and sometimes I was annoying when I asked questions that were not straight forward ( picking your moment is an art form ).However, I think the recognition of mentoring as a huge responsibility was something I realised straight away. I was lucky that I built rapport with my mentors and worked hard to show them my love for midwifery. I found myself parroting my mentor ( this is positive as we learn so much by repetition ) and trying to be like her ( assimilating and role-modelling at its best!!) .
I write this reflecting on the great experience with wonderful mentors that I feel so privileged to have “grown” with. Yet, I know my personality helped those relationships along with my enthusiasm for learning . The positive attitude was commented on throughout my transcripts and skills of reflective practice that aided me to find my way of being a Midwife.As I come to the end of my degree I hear the voices of my mentors of my training in my head still guiding me.They planted some wonderful seeds that are growing every day that little bit more.I know that I take them with me as I develop and was taught so much BUT I also know I am not them and no longer a “minion”. I am ME and full of gratitude for my journey in midwifery .
In my first ever blog I wrote about finding positivity and honestly that has been crucial in these last few months . The deadlines and the pressure have been overwhelming at times..I knew the degree would be tough and that I would be tested mentally and physically .Yet, if I told you that back in January 2016 I managed to run myself over with my car and it was a positive thing .You would firstly laugh and then you would ask HOW ?
So to understand this I should firstly say that I started this degree as a woman that wanted to grow and flourish into a midwife. I have loved my course and feel so honoured to be a student midwife . The challenges of learning practical skills alongside theoretical knowledge based on evidence have been huge . I have taken on roles that I am inspired to be part of and they have helped me to build and broaden my experiences . I have risen to the challenge and have grown into a woman centred practitioner which I am so proud to say.
However, my final year has been tough and honestly I have really struggled. I have a persona that shouts positivity but sometimes I cannot find it . I have turned to twitter and my blog to aid it but back in January I was so tired . I was drained and my positivity was lost. I looked for it but then I had my accident . The details are crazy and you couldn’t make them up . I managed to be under my car and my shoes (green converse ) were still on the pavement. So, I was lucky that day that I didn’t end up in an ambulance. My hand was degloved and I was unable to go back to placement.but I was OK. Yet, it was in the days that followed that I realised how much I was loved and cared for by the people around me. My true friends rallied and gave me so much support . I cried and was broken as my future was in jeopardy. My degree on hold . I had to wait weeks for my hand to heal and a bespoke programme wonderfully organised by my tutor. to be in place. The accident made me appreciate what I have and what I want to achieve. So it was a POSITIVE thing.
My degree is coming to an end and I keep thinking about the journey I have been on. The testing times that have shaped me. Still, I know that the career I have chosen will test me over and over again. So I will come back to my blog and write my story.- A new life chapter awaits me . Newly Qualified Midwife . How exciting xxx