Positive beginnings.

To say I got my ticket for the roller coaster that is positivity from my life events is maybe too sentimental and almost silly . Yet I believe that is how I became a positive person. Now I am not declaring that I see everything in a positive way and react with positivity in every situation but I feel that being positive is vital to my well-being. After the loss of my baby and the passing of my dad I had no positivity . I walked the path of grief and got very lost. As I write this I think back to that time when I was so confused. When positive things happened to the people around me I did not feel, I looked at them and smiled then I congratulated them on their joy. I knew my life was negative. I did not want to accept my broken life so I embraced a chance to speak with a therapist. People warned me that I was strong and did not need therapy. I suppose my outside actions had betrayed me at this time as I had carried on with the life that was expected of me. I cared for my older son , I ran my household , I went to work and I supported my mother in her grief. The sessions were on a Tuesday , I went in the room each time full up with emotions and left sometimes confused but mostly I felt relinquished of “stuff”. The “stuff” I mean were the things I cannot change , the words I could have said or the words I did say. It was a “change ” catalyst in my life that to explore fully I would need to write a book. I can say that it was a time that I found “positivity” and it helped me to look back over my life and find the times of “positivity” within it. The fact that I sat with my dad as he died and held his hand is one of the saddest moments of my life but it was positive because I had the chance to be there. Holding your baby when it has died is a pain I cannot put it words because it will always evoke many tears. I know there was positivity in that room at that moment because he was so perfect and I was so lucky to hold him one time. It is a simple thing to say that life is a journey and that the paths we take will be hard and sometimes challenging. It is easy to say that you need to find the right path. To be positive and to have positivity in our actions. Still, to find positivity in yourself and others is a roller- coaster ride that when you get your ticket you need to hold on tight.

8 thoughts on “Positive beginnings.

    1. Inspirational Natalie. You could have gone under but YOU chose not too. You came out the other side-Stronger by the sound of it-Respect xx

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  1. Beautiful words Nat, I too encountered the loss of babies, but I was blessed with 3 wonderful children and like you I chose positivity after a really dark spell!!! Thank you for your honesty and what an asset to midwifery and #globalvillagemidwives you are x

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