Fed with Positivity – Motherhood beginner

Motherhood began at 20yrs old , I knew I wanted to breastfeed my baby but had no idea what it really was all about. My mum did not breastfeed me or my brother and had no clue. In all honesty I think she found the idea abhorrent as her mother never breastfed and no other woman in my family had either. She told me it would be too hard and I wouldn’t like feeding him in public .She was in no way positive about the idea and even brought me a steriliser with bottles. So, I asked my partner’s mum Daisy what she thought. Her reply filled me with positivity as she said how wonderful it was. She was honest that it could be tricky at first but that it would be worth it. Her eyes shone when she spoke of that time in her life and the bond it created. My determination to breastfeed was firmly rooted (pardon the pun !). My son was born(that’s a very long story for another day). I asked for help and the midwife talked me through how to latch him on. My son and I took a day then a night, to really even get started as we were exhausted. Yet, we did it , it was just as Daisy said. I found it hard but I knew I could do it and my son seemed to know what he was doing. Three weeks later, I was crying. The baby that had latched was no longer latching and he cried as much as I did. My son was still completely nocturnal and I had no idea what time of day or night it actually was. Back then there was no Jeremy Kyle to watch at 4am or any channels that were showing re-runs of casualty. I sat at night on the sofa trying to breastfeed and then trying to put my son in his moses basket which he refused to sleep in. On a day when I was sitting on my sofa just crying and convinced that I was not feeding my baby enough, my dad called. Now, my dad was not happy that his twenty year old daughter had a baby (quitting her law degree) and found the issue of breastfeeding one that made him uncomfortable. He would go out of the room when I fed my son and even call out to ask if I was finished before he would return. He openly admitted that he had never seen anyone breastfeed and was not going to see me do it. That day I asked him to come to my house and he must have heard how upset I was. He arrived an hour later driving from his workplace (still suited and booted ) and gave me a hug. I cried and told him that I was needing him to get some formula milk and help me get the steriliser out. He was shocked and said he would help. I thought my dad would be so happy to get the bottles out but then he stopped.He told me how proud he was of me , what a wonderful thing I was doing for my son and that I could work it out. He believed in me. He put on my favourite song that year ‘Life ‘ by DesRee and we danced around my kitchen. I looked at my son and he looked at me. I knew then that I believed in US , we were a team . I grew him , I birthed him and I could feed him. That was a turning point for me , I was doing ok, I could do it. So I found positivity from the most unlikeliest person. My dad gave me the encouragement to carry on , not because he knew what to do but because he listened and was there when I needed him.

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